We lost my dog Rupert Sunday morning. He was the youngest of my trio. Ellie was MY first dog. We had had a family dog before named Honey, but there is something about being responsible for providing that changes things. Ellie passed in 2023 and honestly I think a piece of me died with her. Just as a piece of me died almost two mornings ago now.

So back to doggy story time: Chloe came along in 2012. She did this puppy army crawl thing when she met Ellie and I was in love. She was the first ‘devil dog’ stealing every toy and more than half the attention sometimes. We adores Chloe who seems to mellow out pretty quick. So much so that by December 2013 I found myself in an unhappy marriage (somewhat self inflicted: I see my role) and wanting something more from life and bam: same breeder as Chloe. Fate. Right?

So I called the breeder guy and yep: there was another litter. And one boy unclaimed, same coat as Chloe, did I want to meet him? Who goes to meet a dog they aren’t going to get? Not this girl! At least not at that time. 6 week old Rupert was the absolute tiniest cutest thing I had ever seen and he just nuzzled right in. He cried when I left: he was only 6 weeks and I couldn’t take him that young (yay responsible breeder)!

When I went back two weeks later; you would’ve sworn I was made out of bacon or gold because Rupert thought I was just the absolute best thing ever. I brought him to my parents house where I grew up and my dad did not even realize it was a different dog. We laugh about this now and I think it had more to do with him being distant texted because Rupert was tiny in comparison. However he did looks exactly like Chloe did when she was a puppy: which was only 1.5 years ago.

So Rupert nibbled carrots and acted goofy winning us all over from the start. My crazy little Tasmanian devil ball of chaos. He was so much trouble and honestly gross. Could not get him to stop eating poop: whole life tried every home remedy medication from the vet etc. But he was mine and we loved fiercely.

Hurting this much sucks but I also love it. I love that I am only hurting in a capacity to match how big I have loved. I want my life full of heart ache and pain because that is the natural consequence of deep attachments. That is what happens when you dive deep and live beyond the safety of surface and shallow living.

I will forever love you Rupert. I will forever love you my Ellie. We pray for miss Chloe that she joins you at her time when she is ready and we will guard your big sister for you Rupert until then.

Thank you for a beautiful life; as Andrea Gibson would say “my beating heart with fur and legs” Until we meet again.